What's been going on

I know I still haven't gotten the 3D ultrasound pic up yet, but it's coming. Probably getting it into the right room so I can scan it tonight. It's been crazy around here.

We had the baby shower on Sunday, and got some really great stuff, but there's still so much to get and do. So when payday rolled around on Monday, we did some much needed shopping to be a little more ready for the little one when she appears.

I'm now going to the doc once a week and doing the lovely non-stress tests twice a week. After yesterday's, I don't know how I'm going to get through the rest of them. She kicked me so hard the nurses were coming in to find out why I was swearing so much. At least they could only hear cuz they had a little window into the room.

So the last few days have been filled with school for the man, appointments with court officials, putting together pack n plays and diaper genies, and lots of itty bitty laundry so that when she comes we will be ready.

Time to get this thing rolling again

It seems like every time I sit down to write in here, or have a blog post pulling at me to get going, something ALWAYS comes up. Whether it's kids, procrastination, or the twelve thousand doctor's appointments lately (OK, maybe not 12,000....how about 11,999?), it seems that even when I'm motivated to sit down and write, something always pushes me away from the keyboard.

So, here's my just-past-mid year's resolution...whether I feel like crap, have more errands than gas to take me to them, or kids hanging from the tree outside our living room...I'm GOING to start posting here regularly again. STARTING NOW! Whooo Hoo!!! Can you feel the motivation? LOL

I'm also going to be updating my blogroll on the side and adding some great blogs I've come across while effectively avoiding this one.

More on my life

How do you know if you've made the right decisions? I'm on the verge of another relationship, this one with someone that actually shows me and tells me that he cares for me. All the time. And while it's nice, we've had conversations about his need to put me on a pedestal and my feelings of complete inadequacy in being on one. Here I thought it would be nice to be with someone that seems to care about me unconditionally, but it still feels wrong. Maybe it's just because I'm not used to being shown this much attention. Or having my boyfriend close to tears by the mere thought that he's upset me somehow.

We're on the verge of moving in together. I'm thinking that hurdle is what prompted my uneasiness to creep back into view. To say that I'm cynical about relationships would be like saying it gets a LITTLE humid in Florida in the summer. I've expressed to him that I don't think ANY relationship I'm in will end any different than any of my past. Even though HE isn't like anyone I've dated, is that enough of a variable to keep this relationship going? My head tells me it isn't. My heart is hoping like hell that it is.

I'm still here

For those of you that thought I fell off the face of the blogging earth..I'm still here, or BACK rather.

Since August I've moved, started working on my writing more, and started working from home during the day as well as carting the kids around and back and forth to 2 different schools since September.

Lots has gone on in the last few months, mostly good...I will be posting later with lots of what's been going on here!

Yikes!

Ok...I know, I know! I've been slacking major on my blog. I have only one excuse for it...but it's a good one....life is FINALLY getting better!!

No, I still don't have a steady job, but I've been feeling good enough about myself to get back out there and start applying again.

Still dealing with the ex when I absolutely have to, which is only when he remembers he still has things up here. Even that has gotten better. When I hear from him, there's not the huge pull at the heart-strings that there was a month ago. It's been just over 3 months and I think I'm finally starting to get past the last 2 years.

Ok...I have to go for now...but I promise to write more later tonight!

Party!

It's time to party! The Ultimate Blog Party started March 2nd over at 5 Minutes for Mom!

Welcome to the party! Drinks and goodies are on the table to your left...music selection to your right! Don't mind the kids running around, I can't get them to bed when there's a party going on!

Ok, so I'm supposed to introduce myself. Anyone that's read any of my previous posts already knows I'm single! WOO HOO!!

I'm gonna be 30 in April. I've decided to either go out and drink or hide under the covers. Not quite sure which yet!

I have 2 boys, ages 8 and 6, who are the world to me. Both mama's boys, sensitive and sweet. Let's just hope they stay that way. My 6 year old wants to audition for American Idol. I hate to pull a Simon...but he's not good! Sorry hun, keep practicing!

Whatelse, whatelse? Bear with me, I'm working on getting over a horrific cold and can't breathe out of my nose.

Hmmm...well, due to health issues on my part, and complete selfishness on my ex's part, we ended up moving in with my parents in August of '06. While things are getting better, I still am not in a positive to move out again. I don't want to end up right back here again. While I'm grateful for their generosity...Man..do I want a place of my own again! After being gone for so long, to end up back with my parents wasn't a setback a was looking forward to. At least it's making me sure that I have everything set so when the kids and I move again, we are stable enough to make it if I lose work again.

So...Welcome to the party! Leave a comment so I know you were here! Have a ball!

Ultimate Blog Party

5 Minutes for Mom is hosting the Ultimate Blog Party March 2-9. Click on the button on the left to learn more about it!

This Blog Party is all about meeting people – so put out some food, turn up the music and tell us a bit about yourself.

Yes – what would a party be without small talk? Be as funny, creative or straight forward as you like. Include a recipe or two, stream some music or videos, add a voice post or video of yourself, decorate your place – whatever will put you in a party mood. Be creative and have fun!

Hope to see you all there!

What's next?

Today marks 6 weeks since I became single again. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I think the crying has far outweighed the laughing in recent weeks, so maybe we'll give laughing a try today. Can't hurt right?

I admit I feel that when you break up with someone, they should magically disappear from your life (moving to Alaska works for me!). Unfortunately, that rarely happens, and your stuck dealing with the person even after you realize that you'd rather stab your eyes out with a rusty fork than deal with them or hear from or about them from anyone. Unless, of course, you're hearing about how they are miserable and realize what an idiot they were to ever treat you more like a mother than a lover.

Ok! That OFFICIALLY ends my rant on the ex. Granted, as I'm still dealing with feeling like a fool for ever believing anything that came out of his mouth, there will still be times when I'm bitchy and questioning it all. However, I firmly believe it's time to sink or swim. While dealing with the demise of the relationship, I've also dealt with the demise of a turning car. Sure I can go forward and backward, hell I can even turn just a LITTLE bit, but the car is saying, "You get to stay in until you can fix me! HA HA!" We are thinking it's something as simple as the return line to the power steering pump. Man lets hope so, I don't feel like sticking too much more money into this thing!

On a lighter note, my 6 year old last night tells me, "Mom, you don't know what it's like to be a kid."

Man he doesn't know how good he's got it...

I'm so PROUD of myself!

I procrastinate. That's what I do. It's not exactly a trait I enjoy, but I admit it at any rate.

I also have a problem with confrontation when it leads to changes within my own life. Yes, EVEN when the change would obviously be for the better. For those of you that don't read my other blog at http://www.xanga.com/onewritingmomma, I have been with my current boyfriend for just about 2 years. All but the first 3 months have been one headache after another.

I have let him walk all over me, do pretty much whatever he wants to do. Since at least October of 2005 I have not trusted him. While I was working as many hours through a temp agency as I could, he was at home (supposedly watching my youngest) online, chatting and asking women to show him their breasts on their webcams. Still, I vented to a friend of ours, and chalked it up to being bored and placated myself that at least it was only online. This is a man that has probably had a porn fetish since he was born.

Last week, I sat down and wrote a letter explaining that I feel unfulfilled in this relationship, that I'm tired of being second to a porn fetish, that I wish he would spend HALF the time he does looking for porn on our RELATIONSHIP.

You know what I got?

He is now downloading it (onto MY computer mind you), and then simply changing the names so that I think it's an actual movie. WHAT!!!?

So, even though I've kept him around for so long, I've decided this is the last straw. He doesn't see anything wrong, therefore won't change. I'm 29, and while that's still young, I do not have the patience or even compassion at this point to help him with what he needs any longer if I cannot get any kind of reciprocity from him.

So as of today, I am OFFICIALLY single again.

I'm so excited!